Thursday, 30 November 2006

Electioneering on the Rates

Martin Salter once again trying to use the council as his private piggy bank with a need attempt to stuff the panel. Why not rent out a cinema and show it yourself instead of getting Reading council taxpayers to pay for your propaganda you bloody cheapskate? And you are not a government spokesman.


From: MORGAN, Ann [mailto:MORGANA@parliament.uk]
Sent: 24 November 2006 15:58

To: Chris Smith
Cc: David Sutton; Steve Waite

Subject: An Inconvenient Truth

Dear Chris,

Further to our phone conversation I am writing to ask if it would be possible for the council to organise a screening of Al Gore's film "An Inconvenient Truth" in order to stimulate a debate on climate change. I attach an email I received from Adrian Foster-Fletcher of Berkshire Friends of the Earth who has offered to chair a debate following the screening of the film.

As you know I attended a similar event at the Corn Exchange in Newbury and I believe that such an event in Reading would contribute to the council's declared environmental objectives as signatures to the Nottingham declaration. Perhaps Adrian could chair the discussion with contributions from the three political parties' environmental spokespeople on the council and from myself for a government perspective?

I would be grateful if you could come back to me with your thoughts.

Regards,

Martin

Sent by Ann Morgan
On behalf of Martin Salter MP

0118 954 6782

Saturday, 11 November 2006

SPAM Warnings

Why do people insist on sending hoax internet warnings without checking whether they are real first? On the other hand this is a genuine warning:

WARNING TO LADIES

Ladies be very careful ...

WARNING !!!!!

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your tits DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR TITS. This is a scam and he is only trying to SEE YOUR TITS.

Please warn other tit owners that their tits may be at risk.

Friday, 6 October 2006

The Curse of Lord Aardvark

Alan Esparza…

After a 3 day court hearing and Alan Esparza was found guilty of selling a single ticket at face value and was fined £1,000 and requested to pay costs of £500.

Serves him right for threatening to burn my house down in front of four police officers! Justice might be slow, but it got him in the end!

Wednesday, 6 September 2006

Poll Dancing

Once again we have politicians using the idea that they have some sort of mandate to justify riding roughshod over the country.

Labour persuaded a mere 25% of the population to go out and vote for them. For that we get a virtual dictatorship and a leader who believes he can do no wrong. Even if you want to go for percentage of the vote rather than population, 63% of voters did NOT vote for him.

His “mandate” is purely because of a crooked and skewed voting system which ensures that this country is always run by a minority whether Labour or Conservative. In fact I’m probably too young to remember the last time a “winning” Government commanded more than 50% of the vote.

Tuesday, 8 August 2006

Unsolicited Spam from The Sun



From: Beauchamp, Eric [mailto:eric.beauchamp@the-sun.co.uk]
Sent: 08 August 2006 10:41
To: letters@upthearse.net
Subject: Reyes in Real shirt

Please could you let me know your opinion on the Jose Reyes situation in light of the photos of him posing in a Real Madrid shirt published today.

How will Arsenal fans respond? Should Reyes be allowed to leave? Please include your full name in your reply so I can publish your views in the paper.

Thanks. Eric



Response:

Reyes is a dirty cheating foreign scumbag and the illegal immigrant should be kicked out of this country, his benefits stopped and his council house repossessed. I tell you hanging's too good for him.

Arnold J Aardvark
Editor, Up The Arse!
Arsenal's Premier Spurs Bashing Fanzine.

P.S. Did I dumb it down enough for your readers, or would you prefer it in words of one syllable or less?

Thursday, 29 June 2006

Zut Alors!

I've been tracing the family tree and I'm slightly worried about finding General Prosper de Chermont who was in Napolean's army and a Governor of Reunion Island and Pondichery!

Sunday, 7 May 2006

You're S*** and You Know You Are...

You have to laugh at Spurs. Asking for a match to be replayed because they couldn't be bothered washing their hands after going to th etoilet. Is there any independent evidence to back up Spurs’ “food poisoning” claim? It's just amazingly convenient as an excuse to postpone the game when they realised that they had a few too many players out with injury. They also seemed remarkably chipper for people struck down with Delhi-belly and I don’t buy it.

Of course, if true it’ll be the pub quiz question of the year:

Question: How did Spurs bring their amazing run at the end of the 2005/2006 season to an end?
Answer: Imodium!

Saturday, 22 April 2006

Desert Island Discs - The Singles

More postings from the All About Eve forum... what singles would you take?

By it's nature this is a list du jour.
  • AAE – Our Summer
    You can’t help but want to get up and dance to this little groover!
  • The Cure – A Forest
    Still my favourite song ever.
  • Fields of the Nephilim – Last Exit For The Lost
    Flour power.
  • Joy Division – Decades
    New Order May 1981 live is the best version with its swirling keyboards but I don’t think I should be including bootlegs.
  • The Sisters of Mercy – Marian (Version)
    Does this count as a Mission song too? ;0)
  • The Associates – Party Fears Two (12” Extended Version)
    Pure genius from the Sulkster.
  • Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine – Sheriff Fatman
    They were probably too clever for their own commercial good.
  • Miquel Brown – So Many Men So Little Time (12” Extended Version)
    HiNRG is due a come back and this is one of the best.
  • Rilo Kiley – The Good That Won’t Come Out
    Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in song form.
  • Peter, Paul & Mary – Puff The Magic Dragon
    Still the saddest song ever written.
  • Cocteau Twins – Musette and Drums
    It's the ending that does it for me... if only this track would never finish.

Saturday, 15 April 2006

North Bank Times 1913 Edition

Home Rule
West Ham manager Syd King has hit out at Woolwich Arsenal’s selection policy in an interview in the London Illustrated News. Especially galling for the proud Englishman has been Arsenal's almost total lack of local talent. The Irons' manager told the press: "Woolwich Arsenal have a huge catchment area in South East London and the Medway area, yet only number two Invictans in their squad of 13. Not only has their manager seen fit to include several northerners, but I note that he has also chosen several foreigners as well. This is just not cricket."
Master Alfred Garnett of the Junior Irons and a leading Young Conservative agreed with his manager: "Too bloody right too. Send the Jocks and Taffs back home and keep English football for the English. You see I don't trust these men of Kent, they live too bloody close to the Frogs if you ask me."

Relocation Relocation Relocation
North London giants Clapton Orient have complained to the Football League over Woolwich Arsenal's planned relocation to North London. "This could seriously affect the future of this great club. We have spent years building up the good name of professional football in this area, and we're not prepared to see our hard work go to waste." We asked the Orient Chairman whether they and Tottenham Hotspur were prepared to take direct action to prevent Arsenal moving into their territory and we received a blunt reply: "Who the f*ck are Tottenham Hotspur?"

Clocking Off
Woolwich Arsenal officials have sought to quell rumours that the famous sundial from the Sundial End at the Manor Ground in Plumstead has been thrown in a skip after a report appeared in an Arsenal fans' periodical 'One Nil Down, One All Draw'. "It is not true," a flustered Sir Henry Norris told us, "the dial will be installed and ready when the new ground opens in January." Fans are sceptical. One told us: "I've heard a rumour that they are planning to introduce new crowd control technology at the new ground such as fences, so it wouldn't surprise me it they put in one of those new fangled clocks without any consultation as well."

Lewd-o
The young England player Wayne Rooney has been caught peering at the ankles of 52 year old Patricia Morrey by journalists from the Pall Mall Gazette. The scandal threatens to end the career of the popular pin-up boy as he struggles to hold on to hit lucrative stipend promoting British cauliflower. Mr Rooney's fiancée Colleen McLoughlin has however vowed to stand by the UK's first Four Pound Five Shilling player for the sake of her house in the country.

You’re Going Down With the Titanic
Tottenham Hotspur and Athletic Club fans were celebrating the relegation of their South London rival's Arsenal. Spurs Manager Peter McWilliam told us: "What with their disastrous season and the cost of financing their new stadium, if we see them back in the top division then I'll be a Dutchman."

Monday, 3 April 2006

SOCA Skills

I’m very disappointed about the newly announced crime agency… the Serious and Organised Crimes Agency. Shouldn’t they have called it C.I.5 and put Bodie and Doyle back on the case?

Sunday, 2 April 2006

Desert Island Discs

A challenge on the All About Eve Forum for your 10 Albums to be stranded on a desert island with on a solar powered CD player had me thinking. This is more difficult than it looks and assumes that “Best of…” collections constitutes cheating! I’ve erred on the side of putting the album on and not skipping weak tracks when deciding on how to whittle it down.

  • Judith Durham & The Seekers – A Carnival of Hits
    Okay, by my own rules I am cheating, but you can’t get the originals now anyway.
  • Cocteau Twins – Treasure
    You really can listen to this one on “repeat” - Musette and Drums you're genius too!
  • Sisters of Mercy – First Last and Always
    A song for every conceivable type of misery… like being stuck on a desert island
  • The Cure – Disintegration
    I’ll have to make do without my favourite Cure song, but Seventeen Seconds only clocks in at 35 minutes.
  • Fields of the Nephilim – Elizium
    Another non-stop repeatable listen
  • Lush – Lovelife
    Forget Radio 6’s “Dream Ticket”, I went to mine. The Garden Party 1990: The Cure, All About Eve, James & Lush. I only wish I could remember it. A sunny day, cold beer and a lake. A dangerous combination.
  • Rilo Kiley – The Execution of All Things
    Tough call for which of their albums but this wins for the shear singalongabilty of “With Arms Outstretched”.
  • Girls Aloud – Sound of the Underground
    It was either this or S Club 7 – Sunshine. Their take on “Lucretia My Reflection (version)” swung it for me, although you might know it as “No Good Advice”
  • Girls at Our Best! - Pleasure
    Still unlike anything else you're likely to hear. Perfect Punk-Pop.
  • All About Eve - All About Eve
    You just cannot have too much flanger!


Saturday, 1 April 2006

Fat Bob Band

Royal Albert Hall 1st April 2006

Given that with no keyboards some songs were effectively off limits, it was a stunning show. I've always been worried that they'd descend into being a "cabaret" band like some of their contemporaries, but there's no sign of that yet. My only complaint is, whose bright idea was it to make the gig all seating? It can't be venue policy as All About Eve was standing (as is The Last Night of the Proms).

Definitely up there in the top three Cure gigs.

Thursday, 23 March 2006

One Way No Way!

At an internal Reading Borough Council 360 HR meeting, someone claiming to be responsible for the PR for the IDR scheme. said:

  • "There's only been half a dozen complaints."
  • "It's gone surprisingly well."
  • "There's hardly been any bad coverage."

Perhaps this is because most people believe that the Council has made up their minds already and protesting wouldn't make any difference.

Friday, 10 March 2006

Over-Priced, Over-Hyped and Playing Here.

Now it may come as a surprise that a good number of Arsenal fans don't give a monkey's about the England team. Some of us would be quite happy if Arsenal players never pulled on another England shirt ever again. All that happens is they head off with England, come back injured and get tapped up on yachts. We can do with out that.

Wenger has bought the brightest English talent before: Jeffers (where he now) and Pennant (lucky escape) to name but two. Bentley might do well and good luck to Sidwell at Reading (who if you read the local papers has had nothing but praise for his former manager), but they wouldn't make our starting line-up. Wenger has a duty to Arsenal fans not Sven-Goran Eriksson. The rubbish argument about rubbish foreigners ruining the game is completely down to English players being given a valuation which is way above their worth. Van Persie £4m. Shaun Wright-Phillips £24m. Do the maths. English players are overvalued and over-hyped.

And the whole 'British' player debate. I could perhaps excuse the argument for English players, but there is no reason to want British and Irish players in a team for reasons other than petty xenophobia. It makes me laugh when the Irish are lumped in as British. Wake up, they are foreigners as much as any other country's players. France is considerably closer to England than Ireland or is it totally because they speak English and don't eat garlic?

And the stereotype used to support the argument about the inclusion of the British players is laughable. I can't remember anyone complaining about Vieira having the wrong atttitude. Football skill is down to individuals, not racial sterotypes. There are numerous examples of English wimps out there.

And as was commented on by Pierre Gerbeau, supposedly this is the England team decades if you believe their hype, hardly the result of a serial decline because if the influx of foreigners.

Wednesday, 1 March 2006

Great to see Stockard Channing invited on to BBC Breakfast celebrate the 30th anniversary of ‘The Big Bus’ - the most underrated comedy film of all time. I’ll be setting my vid!

Okay, it was to promote something else.

Monday, 13 February 2006

ID Card Con

Tony McNulty appeared on Breakfast TV spouting the usual rubbish about ID Cards and skirted around the true cost. The shortfall will be made up by taxes which is our money too. Something Labour conveniently to forget when bandying around their figures.

And if he is so confident that ID cards will cost how much they say they will, is he prepared to use his own or Labour party money to pay the difference between his forecast and what it will actually eventually cost?

If he has nothing to hide he has nothing to fear.