Friday, 31 July 2009


There are times when I kick myself about stopping muckspReading. The 'replacement' sites don't seem to have grasped the essential essence of satire... that is it is meant to be funny. But it's no use complaining, I made my choice, I have to abide by it.

However, the This Morning with Richard Not Rik Show! is still providing plenty of laughs for the people of Reading. A handbags-at-dawn epic about who signed what petition when. Now now children, don't go telling tales to teacher.

Perhaps satire is dead when those who should be satirised make such a great fist of it themselves!

Saturday, 18 July 2009

The Muppet Show

Mr. 10%, otherwise known as his chances of winning!

Friday, 17 July 2009

Carpet Bagger

It looks like the end of one of my favourite gags. It was a Ronnie Corbett special:

"I remember it well, it was the one day of the year when Allied Carpets didn't have a sale on."

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Hacked Off

When you see the words: cowardly, rank hypocrisy, failed, betrayal, turncoat, lack of integrity in a newspaper report about Parliament, you just know that the name Martin Salter will be in the article somewhere.

After signing an early day motion asking the Government to back down over the extradition of Gary McKinnon he voted with them.

When he abstained in the Gurkha vote after posing publically for photographs, I called him a disgrace. Words fail me for his latest piece of duplicity becuase this time he actually voted with them. Still hoping for a peerage are we luvvie? Can't think of any other reason why he would want to Brown-nose so shamlessly.

So next time you see some god-awful press release from him about how proud he is to back an early day motion, just remember it is all hogwash and he doesn't mean a word of it.

Martin Salter: the Parliamentary career that died of shame.

Milky Milky!

No, I'm not getting paid for this, but this is FAB. It's suspiciously like the suggestion I emailed to Dairy Crest about 5 years ago. Identical actually!

I've always been a fan of local milkmen and there's no better way of showing your appreciation than by actually using them.

Marmite didn't take up my other brilliant idea of the time, but I've forgiven them as squeezy Marmite is the greatest invention since sliced bread. Obviously it has to be since sliced bread or you wouldn't have anything to spread it on.

Friday, 10 July 2009

I Like It When a Plan Comes Together!

It's sometimes nice to get out of Reading and help fellow Lib Dems, so under the guise of popping down to visit my Mum, I spent last Sunday in Gosport helping out in the Brockhurst by-election.

Results were in today, and it was such a comprehensive demolition of the Tories that I can't even start to pretend that I made a difference. When I left town, Gosport had no Liberal councillors and putting a Liberal poster up in the windows was akin to a declaration of war. Now we run the place.

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Murdoch's Poodle

The news that Andy Coulson is slightly dodgy is no surprise to anyone apart from Tories. His resignation from the News of the World conveniently put an end to the Press Complaints Commission's investigation into the original News International phone tapping scandal.

Even then I suspect that the Tories knew the score when they signed him up. They just hoped he wouldn't be found out, but why? His antics have been well documented in Private Eye.

But one of the more alarming aspects of the story is that it looks more and more that the courts and the police have tried to bury the story. John Prescott makes a very good point (I can't believe I just typed that!) when he says:

"First of all, those of us that had our phones tapped and the police were aware of it - why were we not told? Why were they [the News of the World] not prosecuted?

"Why was a separate deal done in the court and then put away, and not made available to us? To the legal authorities [I would ask] why did you do this?"

Why indeed? Just who were they trying to protect? The victims quite clearly were those whose phones were tapped by a foreign owned tax avoiding newspaper. This looks like collusion in the British establishment to protect the guilty, because I can think of no other reason to keep these facts secret. Power and money does apparently have its advantages.

But back to more basic reasons why Murdoch's poodle shouldn't be trusted. He's a Spurs fan. I've just found one of my old stories about him in UTA! issue 54. Far too bad taste for a family web site like this!

Monday, 6 July 2009

They Call Him Melo Yelo

"Arsenal will have to offer full-back Emmanuel Eboue as part of any deal to sign Fiorentina midfielder Felipe Melo, according to the Italian club."
BBC News
The bastards are just toying with us now! How about just taking Eboue?

Quando Quango

It's interesting that David Cameron has decided to pick on Quangos in his attempt to hoodwink the public that he has efficiency savings rather than cuts in mind.

These organisations were set up by the Tories in the eighties and enthusiastically seized on by Labour as means of (1) avoiding having to make unpopular political decisions (2) getting around the public's rather nasty habit of wanting to have a say in things and (3) an nice little sinecure to reward the party faithful.

Now it would seem that, rather like his Road to Damascus revelation over Section 28, after opening the stable door Cameron is scrabbling around for a lasso - although perhaps I should instead welcome Conservatives coming around to the Lib Dem idea that you should put the power back in the hands of the people. The problem I see with the Tories sudden conversion to democracy is that their track record suggests that once the public start making decisions they do not agree with, they will take it back off them.

Many of the bodies are nonsensical and undemocratic. Strategic Development Agencies exist because both Labour and Tories refuse to get to grips with the West Lothian Question. The proposed replacements are doomed to fail because "South East" has no emotional recognition. England does.

OFGEN has led the way in being industry poodle rather than a consumer champion and OFCOM has proved itself to be little more than a lobbying arm for British Sky Broadcasting.

In Reading we have the Local Strategic Partnership, an undemocratic body that keeps its minutes to itself and which thanks to Labour has seen large amounts of decision making transferred from the democratic to vested interest groups.

We also have the perpetuation of 'jobs for the boys' for failed politicians as the South East Diamonds and numerous other unelected boards testify to.

Many quangos only exist because of the target driven culture pioneered by the Tories and perpetuated by Labour.

Yes, some of the quangos have to go as they serve no useful purpose. But on the other hand would you trust the Government to audit itself, or run a railway? No, is the simple answer. Some of these bodies are absolutely required, but need to be publically accountable.

A commitment to local democracy from the Tories, rather than headline grabbing platitudes would have been far more convincing.

Friday, 3 July 2009

Pants on Fire

See what happens when you trust the Tories to "clean up sleaze". Their members voted for a 450% increase in allowances for councillors on the Berkshire Fire Authority.

Why? Because they could!

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Sounding the Last Post

Lord Mandleson has told peers that there is "no prospect" of the partial sell-off of the Royal Mail going ahead in the "current circumstances".

He lists the current circumstances as the recession, whilst any fule kno, it's because the Government would be given a damn good kicking by their own backbenchers.

That is, apart from Martin Salter who, loyal to the last, would no doubt go down with the ship in inglorious style. All fully in keeping with his campaigning to keep Post Offices open, whilst with no sense of irony whatsoever also voting to close them.

Just hold your nose a little longer. They'll be gone soon.