Monday, 20 December 2010

A Cautionary Christmas Tale

Mr. Reading New-Labour was once the boss of a small company in Berkshire but he wasn't very good and was sacked by the shareholders over two years ago. He pretended to his family that he was going to work each day but the truth was that his 'salary' was being paid by a loan from Ocean Finance.

In an attempt to get out of his financial calamity before anyone noticed, he bet all the family's Christmas money on a dead cert given to him the day before by a man he met walking a dog on a bit of string. Not unsurprisingly the nag called "Boom & Bust" came last in the 2:30 at Newbury.

Faced with owning up to what he'd done, he instead stuck up two fingers to his family and left them desperately trying to work out how to pay the rent and forced to eat cornflakes for tea. He stole what was left in the house-keeping jar and pissed off down the pub.

During the evening Mr. New-Labour bought strangers pints in an attempt to get them to like him and put it all on his bar tab. He would also pick fights with imaginary rabbits and asked anyone who showed concern if they would lend him £10 to buy them a drink. The regulars kept their distance but he didn't have to drink alone. His shop steward mate, propped up the bar with him, sipping his mild, buying his buddy pork scratchings paid for with the money the union man had fleeced from the pub's poorly paid cleaning staff with empty promises of campaigning for equal pay.

The landlord finally slung Mr New-Labour out after he asked him to settle his bar tab and discovered that he didn't have anything on him except for an IOU from Liam Byrne.

Mr. Reading New-Labour was found on Christmas morning lying face down in the gutter covered in his own vomit.



Update:

In case anyone is reading this after the hysterical rantings of someone who doesn't mind spreading lies about Lib Dems but gets his knickers in a twist when Labour's lies and untruths are exposed... exactly where did I say "dead in his own vomit". I didn't. That would somewhat dent the morality element of the tale. Waking up the next morning remorseful for what he has done would be nice. Won't happen though.

But when it comes to nasty, Reading Labour are hoping that a local resident is attacked or assaulted in Reading so that they can personally blame me for it. Tony Page said so in public at a Reading Cabinet meeting.

Lovely people aren't they!

2 comments:

Nowtas said...

Now, I like festive spirit as much as the next everyman, but you really need to reduce the level of cheer in your heart.

Was said...

I think it's the level of beer I need to reduce ;0)